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NEWS August 25, 2008. We made it! Thanks to everyone who made this tour a success, against all odds. Sincere apologies to those
of you who missed us on account of cancelled shows - the injured Consumer Goods are well on the road to recovery and appreciate
your concern. You should see the other guy. More soon! August 8, 2008. Tour de Farce 2008 is off to a great start! Thanks to everyone who has helped us along the way, there are many
of you, and you all make it a little easier to do what we do. We've had media coverage in nearly every major city out
west, and we're expecting some buzz in the east pretty soon. Be sure to catch us as we work out way through Southern
Ontario and Quebec over the next few weeks! July 10,
2008. As you may have noticed, the rumours of an exciting
campaign to embarrass CBC sports were all true! The timing of Hockey Night in Canada's dropping their iconic theme
song couldn't have been better - the Consumer Goods have stepped up to fill the void and we hope you will appreciate
our efforts. Our video - disqualified by the Hockey Anthem Challenge organizers - is available for viewing here and we're thrilled to note that in just three days it has been
viewed over 600 times and recieved a rating of 4.5 stars out of 5. Please
take the time to check out the video and show it to your friends. The 'comment' function is available to you on youtube,
so if you would like to agree or disagree with what we're doing, there is space for you to do so. Fundamentally, we are asking people to question whether it is alright that CBC sports legitimates
the prevailing 'support the troops' mentality by relentlessly linking our national game with our national army. Don
Cherry - an openly racist, sexist and homophobic public figure - uses his weekly session to mourn the passing of 'our boys'
in Afghanistan, while never pausing once to mention the countless lives 'our boys' have taken in our continued occupation
of that sovereign country. Ron MacLean, though standing in as Cherry's 'moral conscience,' echoes and reinforces much
of Cherry's message - that Canadian soldiers are heroes, that their General Hillier deserves to be treated as an icon, and
that our war is fundamentally to be supported without question. CBC's programming consistently pursues the link between
hockey and militarism, describing hockey players as 'warriors' and hosting 'tickets for troops' events at hockey games.
Given that more than half of all Canadians do not support the occupation
of Afghanistan, and given that it necessarily entails a program of racist and orientalist butchery in a foreign land, is it
appropriate for our national broadcaster - funded in part by ordinary Canadians - to lend its unequivocal support to this
military adventure on its most popular and influential program? We plead "fuck, no!" June 10, 2008. Holy shit!
CD release booked! Look out Winnipeg, this show is going to defecate on your breasts! Also, keep your eyes and ears peeled for the most awesome publicity stunt this band has ever planned.
Seriously, Don Cherry, watch your back entrance. June
9, 2008. No, it's cool, I'm all better now. Thanks
to all of you who phoned in and offered dates. I feel worthy again! June 9, 2008. Look out fools! We're
booking our cross-Canada tour for the summer of 2008, and it's going to be a doozy! Keep checking back for updates as
dates get filled. They're the only dates I ever get, so I gotta make 'em good. Shit, this was supposed to be awesome-band-news,
not my-life-is-a-tale-of-lonely-woe news. What went wrong, god? Where did I lose track? Another failure
to distribute news! I can't get anything right!!! Gah!!! May 12, 2008. Steve! Was it Steve?
...Steve. I found this thriller of a review online today and simply
had to share it with you, the reluctant supporters of this operation. "Yuk, I'm sorry, I downloaded the Consumer Goods disc and thought it was just awful. I felt embarrassed to tell
you the truth since I am also Canadian. What annoyed me more than the politics which are so annoyingly relentlessly left,
was the coarse language and lines about abortion and coathangers just made me cringe with disgust. The music was unexceptional,
neither good nor bad. I didn't like the disc so shouldn't really offer suggestions for the future but I'm thinking taking
most things down a couple levels would be a step in the right (no pun intended) direction. -Steve R." Oh Steve! If Happy Bidet made you cringe, The Anti-Imperial Cabaret is going
to send you into a downward spiral of rectal and urethral problems that may haunt you for the rest of your life. But
I suppose you are right - we really ought to tone things down, because things are going quite well here in Canada. Yesterday,
our PM announced that the $20 billion cut from social programs that make people's lives marginally better will be put
towards the $30 billion we're going to spend on beefing up the military which kills people. (Mostly brown people,
let's be honest.) Meanwhile, GM cut another few thousand jobs, Zionist groups in Canada held public celebrations the
60th year of Israeli apartheid (one of the most brutal occupations in modern history) with police protection, and individuals
in at least three Canadian cities are facing trumped up criminal charges for being assaulted by police officers in the process
of trying to demonstrate for social change. You're right Steve, we
really should tone it the fuck down. April 6, 2008. Alright, chumps. If you thought this website was in disrepair, you were
right. But it's going to go down with a whimper, and this is your whimper, so eat it up! Our lack of web activity has been a function of three things: 1) Shipley was busy posing as a radical. 2) The band was
preoccupied with recording. 3) Shipley's head was lodged up his ass. These three things are ongoing struggles, but number one is not a bad thing, number
two is finished, and number three is hot. I hope what you're getting out of this is that we have a new record on the
horizon and it rules, because we have a new record on the horizon and it rules. In fact, it'll knock your own head right
up your ass if you're not careful. Seriously, the new record is shiny
as shit and laced with the most intense brand of Shiplified sarcasm yet. I really think you're going to like it.
It's in the mixing stage right now and will grace your ears sometime in June. In the meantime, get the piss out to Hugh's Room in Toronto for a fun time and some anti-adult-contemporary political
jingo-jango on April 24th of this year. It's a Thursday night, but we'll have you tucked into bed before your glass
slippers turn into butternut squash, so don't be so foolish as to miss this event. Jan. 2, 2007. Hey folks.
The Consumer Goods are a pretty cheeky operation. So bear with us for a short sincere update. In a typically ironic manner, the Consumer Goods had a dandy of a 2007, while I myself had a pretty
rough one. I keep listening to "Sun, Sun, Sun" by the Elected, hoping that 2008 is going to be a turnaround.
I'm atypically hopeful that it will be. Hopefully, this will not coincide with a turn in the forture of the Consumer
Goods, that would be a drag. So, what end of year updates should
I share. Well, we were nominated for a Bucky Award by the folks at CBC Radio Three. That was pretty nice, and
it's okay that we lost, because what the heck. Between September and December, we found ourselves reviewed all across
the country, which was nice. Edmonton panned us, Toronto ignored us, and nearly everywhere else was very generous.
We were discovered by the indie kids, and found ourselves being downloaded and played online at a rate of thousands of songs
per day, which was a little jilting. I can't even keep up with the sites that hawk us anymore. Just as long as
they are giving their proceeds to some good revolutionary Marxist operation... uh huh. In the meantime, we've become
(nearly) household names in the Netherlands, and we've actually got a following in a number of spots across Europe... I've
noticed us popping up in Koln, and in some small town in Greece, and we've sold a bunch of CDs in the UK, and some guy from
Spain put us in his top ten records of the year. We even got a very special letter from Radio Habana in Cuba, where
they were very excited about the record and invited us down to the station to play for them! Hopefully, we'll make good
on that one in '08. In December, Uptown Magazine in Winnipeg was
good enough to do a cover story on us, and for the first time ever, I walked around Osborne Village with my own ugly mug staring
up at me from the magazine racks. It was hilarious, but didn't get me a free case of Lucky at the LC. On the 23rd,
we played a dandy homecoming at the Gas Station Theatre, and everyone had a blast. And now, we're settling in to work on the new record. The working title for the record is "The
Consumer Goods are not Canadian." It was with some surprise that I realised 'Happy Bidet' was almost exclusively
focused on the imperialists sound of the border, which probably led some to believe e had forgotten about the imperialists
in our midst. The next record should speak to that problem. Canada is a rapacious predator like any other 'middle
power' and our propaganda machine is no less palpable and powerful, led by the likes of Don Cherry, Michael Ignatieff, and
even clowns like poor, ugly Sam Katz. We're very appreciative of
all the support we've recieved this year. And we'll be looking forward to making you all uncomfortable again in 2008!
Let's all get together and make one big New Years Revolution. Nov.
7, 2007. Voting is your goddam democratic duty!
And your country needs you!
So it is time to prove that democracy works
and that ideas matter and a small group of committed people CAN change the world... by rigging a vote.
Okay,
we won't actually rig it. But here's the deal.
The Consumer Goods have been nominated for an award
by the whiz kids at CBC Radio Three, and to not win it would be an unimaginable disgrace because the only thing I truly
care about in this world is winning. My acceptance speech is already written, and don't worry, I remembered
to thank your mother. I mean, mine. For raising me. Shit, what have I gotten myself into? I always
do this.
Ok, seriously. CBC does these 'Bucky Awards' each year, and they're really quite fun.
One of our songs has been nominated for 'Best Title' and it would be very cool if you folks would vote for it. In fact,
you're allowed to vote once a day (this is the rigging part) if you like, between now and the end of November. You don't
have to vote in every category, just vote in whichever ones you want and click "submit." As in, "submit
to selling your soul in this descratoin of democracy!"
Here's the link, you'll find the bucky awards
very prominently located on the left hand side of the page. http://radio3.cbc.ca/ It's ok, I'm
sure the other bands tell their freinds to do it too.
Please forward this along to anyone and everyone you
know who might be willing to help us BRING HOME THE FUCKING BUCKY! That would be swell.
Love,
The
Consumer Goods September 11, 2007. In Honor of the heroes of 9/11, I've updated this website. It now has the
lyrics for Happy Bidet, in the 'sing along' section, and I've archived some nice things the press have said about
us, in the 'press forward' section. August 31, 2007. Hey hey alright, hey hey alright. We're back from touring and we had a fucking
blast. Check the myspace page for intense photo bloggery of the whole thing. And check CBC's Radio Three podcast
for a certain politically charged band from Winnipeg! That's right, this week's podcast features the Weakerthans!
But, actually, we're on there too, which is pretty cool, so do have a listen if you have the time. Normally I'm cheeky
in these posts, but I think I'm all out of cheek right now. Maybe it's the anal fissures getting me down? WHAT
anal fissures?! God, why do you feel the need to spread these evil rumours? Are you going through a rough phase
in your life? Do you need some counselling?
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COMING SOON! INTRODUCING "HOCKEY NIGHT IN AFGHANADA" (click here to see video!) FROM FORTHCOMING NEW ALBUM "THE ANTI-IMPERIAL CABARET" JULY
26, 2008
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UPCOMING
SHOWS July 26, 2008.
Winnipeg, Music Trader, 3:00 pm, free! To commemorate the release of the new record, we'll be rocking the pants
off of patrons and staff at Music Trader in Osborne Village! July
26, 2008. Winnipeg, Lo Pub and Gallery, 8:00 pm, $8 cover. CD RELEASE for 'The Anti-Imperial
Cabaret!' Featuring Paper Moon and the Language Arts! Presentd by Grumpy Cloud Records and 101.5 UMFM! July 29, 2008. Brandon, 8:00 pm, cover TBA. Commemorating
the 160th anniversary of the Tipperary Revolt! Long Live a Free and United Ireland! Presented by Grumpy Cloud
Records and Grant Hamilton! July 30, 2008.
Regina, The Exchange, 9:00 pm. Local openers TBA! Presented by Grumpy Cloud Records. July 31, 2008. Saskatoon, Lydia's Pub, 9:00 pm, $5 cover.
The triumphant homecoming of Consumer Goods artist Michael Kirkpatrick on acoustic guitar! Presented by Grumpy Cloud
Records. August 1, 2008. Lethbridge,
The Slice, 9:00 pm, $5 cover. Featuring Axis of Conversation! Presented by Grumpy Cloud Records. August 2, 2008. Calgary, The Marquee, 9:00 pm.
Featuring Octoberman and Thighs! Consumer Goods will feature Lonely Hunters as backing band! August 3, 2008. Vancouver, Cafe du Soleil, 9:00
pm. Singer-songwriter night featuring Tyler Shipley and local openers. Presented by Chris Murphy of BandMerch
Canada. August 16, 2008. Waterloo,
Trepid House, 9:00 pm. Featuring Boats!! August
17, 2008. St. Catherine's, Merchant Ale House, 9:00 pm. Featuring Boats!! August 18, 2008. Toronto, The Horseshoe Tavern, 9:00 pm, free!
Toronto will get its first taste of the full Consumer Goods lineup as they bring
the indie-pop goodness to the legendary Horseshoe! Featuring For The Wolves and Sweet Mack! August 19, 2008. Ottawa, Exile Infoshop, 8:00 pm, pay-what-you-can!
Acoustic show at a vegan anarchist bookstore and cafe! Featuring Use Every Part of the Deer! Presented by Grumpy
Cloud Records. August 20, 2008.
Ottawa, Zaphod Beeblebrox, 8:00 pm, $8. Featuring Sarah Hallman and Fire Heats Water! Presented by Grumpy
Cloud Records. August 21, 2008.
Montreal, Cafe Campus, 9:00 pm, cover $6. Featuring the Harold Wartooth! Presented by Grumpy Cloud Records. August 22. 2008. Kingston, 56 Queen Street Loft,
9:00 pm, cover $5. Bring Your Own Beer! And Bring Some For Us! We really love Kingston and can't wait
to get back. Presented by Grumpy Cloud Records with help from Sayyida Jaffer! August 23, 2008. Guelph, Jimmy Jazz, 9:00 pm, cover TBA. Presented by Grumpy Cloud
Records. August 24, 2008. London, Embassy
Hotel-Whipput Lounge, 9:00 pm, cover $5. Presented by Grumpy Cloud Records.
PAST SHOWS June 12, 2008. Toronto, Concord Cafe, 10:00
pm, no cover. Come sing union songs with Tyler Shipley of the Consumer Goods at the CUPE 3903 Spring Social! Lyric
sheets for Solidarity Forever and the Internationale available upon request! April 24, 2008. Toronto, Hugh's Room, 8:00 pm, $5 cover.
Matt and Shipley carnage makes a royal return to an adult contemporary venue in beautiful Roncesvalles. February 1, 2008. Toronto, Tranzac, 8:00
pm, pay what you can. Featuring an array of politically minded popstars whose names I haven't yet procured.
(Possibly) unveiling a few new Consumer Goods! December
23, 2007. Winnipeg, The Gas Station Theatre, 8:00 pm., $10 cover. Featuring the Paperbacks and
Enjoy Your Pumas. August 24, 2007. Hamilton,
The Sky Dragon Center, 8:00 pm, $5 cover. Featuring that crazy two-man band from a few nights ago, Colin Munroe! August 23, 2007. Hamilton, The Freeway
Cafe, 8:00 pm, pay what you can. Featuring some local friends whose names I do not yet know. August 22, 2007. Toronto, Tranzac, 10:00 pm, pay what you can.
Featuring the Salarymen and Lord and Peasant. August
21, 2007. Toronto, The Supermarket, 9:00 pm, $5 cover. Featuring two-man one-man band,
Colin Munroe, and Jodi King. August 20,
2007. Kingston, Backyard Party at 366 Alfred St., 6:00-10:00, pay what you can. We're bringing
the good fight to someone's backyard! Potluck and BBQ for the coolest kids in Kingston. If it rains, go to 37
Pine Street, something tells me that's where we'll be. August
18, 2007. Ottawa, Zaphod Beeblebrox, doors at 8:00 pm, $6 cover. Featuring Hollowtip Hearts
and Sarah Hallman! August 16, 2007.
Montreal, le Cafe Campus, doors at 8:00 pm, show at 9:00 pm, $10 cover. Featuring fellow-Winnipeggers Nathan.
I think they were nominated for a Juno, once! August
5, 2007. Halifax, The Tribeca, 10:00 pm, no cover. Featuring the Metric System. First
time to Halifax, ever, holy piss! July
29, 2007. Winnipeg, InFringe Festival, Exchange Community Church. 10:00 pm, $5 cover.
Featuring Phil Wright and Friends. Promise not to make ugly with the church this time. June 3, 2007. Winnipeg, The Elephant and Castle, 9:00 pm. Two
sets of McLennan/Shipley madness complete with Gatineau bashing and gay sex references. Well, what the fuck did you
expect?
June 1, 2007. SASKATOON,
CD RELEASE! Lindsay Manz's House Party, 10:00 pm, no cover. That's right, the era of the house party
show is coming back, at least in Saskatoon. (Look out New York, you know you're always two months behind the S'toon.)
Join us for fun, sun and some very smooth tobacco at a secret location near 10th St. and the river.
May 26, 2007. Calgary, Bowness Legion Hall, 9:00 pm. Rock Reception!
Ripping it up with the family and friends of Gareth Williams and Lauire Fuhr, featuring Lonely Hunters, the Jagatha Christies,
some cousins I don't know, Boats!!, Matt McLennan, and an ex-con bartender with a knack for selling scotch. Everybody's
good at cooking something, I'm good saying inappropriate things into a microphone that's on. May 24, 2007. CALGARY, CD RELEASE! Rock Stag! The
Soda, 8:00 pm. Celebrating the bringing together of two fine, fine people, with rock and roll music and hopefully some
of those party kazoo things. Featuring Grandfather Fire, Fox Opera and the Jagatha Christies. Presented by the
amazing Gareth and Laurie.
May 21, 2007.
Calgary, Broken City, 9:30 pm. Opening the evening for our good friends, Lonely Hunters. Just Shipley and McLennan
after 72 hours in close proximity. Expect hilarity.
May
18, 2007. WINNIPEG, CD RELEASE! Times Change(d) High and Lonesome Club, 9:00 pm, $5
cover (waived with purchase of 'Happy Bidet!') Featuring All of Your Friends, Sean Buchanan (of the Western States)
and the Ramzi Helewa Sound Experiment. Presented by Grumpy Cloud Records, UMFM 101.5 and the Better Swimmers.
May 10, 2007. TORONTO,
CD PRE-RELEASE! Free Times Cafe, 9:00 pm, $5 cover (waived with purchase of 'Happy Bidet!') Featuring
the Salarymen. Presented by Grumpy Cloud Records. January
15, 2007. Toronto, Mitzi's Sister, 9:00 pm, no cover. Songwriter night also featuring Chris Staig, Jeff
Oussoren and Sam Larkin. December 16, 2006.
Winnipeg, Academy Bar & Eatery, 8:00 pm, no cover. Featuring Matt McLennan and the Haste. December 13, 2006. Toronto, Tranzac, 7:30 pm, pay what you can!
Two acoustic sets in the Tranzac front room, followed by the Madame Hair Variety Show. November 13, 2006. Toronto, Tranzac, 9:00 pm, pay what you can! First
show in Toronto, followed by open mic with Tyler Shipley. August
18, 2006. Winnipeg, Mondragon Cafe, 9:00 pm, $5 cover. Featuring Skort (members of You Say Party!
We Say Die! and the Doers), Sean Wesley Wood and his Vancouver Vipers, and Sean Buchanan (of the Western States.) Presented
by the Better Swimmers. August 8, 2006.
Gimli, Icelandic Festival Folk Fest, 7:00 pm, no cover. Outdoor folk festival featuring Wayne Petti (of Cuff the Duke),
Salt (members of Po' Girl and the Be Good Tanyas), Greg MacPherson and Novillero. August 2, 2006. Winnipeg, Royal Albert Arms, 9:00 pm, $5 cover. Featuring
the Greenbelt Collective and Ok Vancouver Ok. July 29,
2006. Winnipeg, Ellice Ave Cafe, 8:00 pm, $5 cover. Featuring Eisenhauer and Sharee Plett. July 25, 2006. Winnipeg, Exchange Community Church,
9:00 pm, no cover. Winnipeg Fringe Festival, featuring Querkus and the Playing Cards. July 14, 2006. Winnipeg, Collective Cabaret, 9:00 pm, $8 cover.
Featuring Five O' Clock Charlie, the Paperbacks and Ben McPhee-Sigurdson. July 1, 2006. Winnipeg, Pyramid Cabaret, 4:00 pm, $5 cover. 'We Love Our
Hive' Canada Day show, featuring the Mandarins, Anthem Red, Half Court Prayer, Ben McPhee-Sigurdson and Black Photographs.
Presented by the Better Swimmers. June 28, 2006.
Winnipeg, The Cavern (formerly the Toad in the Hole), 9:00 pm, no cover. Featuring Alverstone. Presented by Grumpy
Cloud Records and UMFM 101.5. June 23, 2006.
Winnipeg, Academy Bar & Eatery, 9:00 pm, $5 cover. Featuring Fisher Kane. June 22, 2006. Winnipeg, Times Change(d) High and Lonesome Club, 9:00 pm, $5
cover. Featuring Adrian Sala and the Details. Presented by Grumpy Cloud Records. May 1, 2006. Winnipeg - May Day Celebration Dinner, Kinsmat Center,
8:00 pm. April 20, 2006. WINNIPEG,
CD RELEASE! Royal Albert Arms, 9:00 pm, $5 cover (waived with purchase of 'Pop Goes the Pigdog!') Featuring
Ian La Rue and the Western States. Presented by Grumpy Cloud Records and UMFM 101.5. October 24, 2005. Winnipeg, Ragpicker's Annex, 9:00 pm, no cover.
Acoustic set, featuring the Unravelled Broken Orchestra. October
15, 2005. Winnipeg, Royal Albert Arms, 9:00 pm, $5 cover. The Death to Conifera show!
Featuring the Horribly Awfuls, Nowheretogo, Effector, Unravelled Broken Orchestra and boat! Presented by CKUW and
UMFM. July 30, 2005. Winnipeg, Barca
Club, 9:00 pm, $5 cover. Featuring Cone Five, AtSea and the Horribly Awfuls. Presented by Grumpy Cloud Records. July 29, 2005. Winnipeg, Academy Bar & Eatery,
9:00 pm, $5 cover. Acoustic show featuring Kevin Scott, Matt McLennan and Gareth Williams. Presented by Grumpy
Cloud Records. July 26, 2005. Winnipeg,
Collective Cabaret, 9:00 pm, $5 cover. Introducing the Consumer Goods! Debut featuring Red Eyed Morning and
the Floor. Presented by UMFM 101.5.
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