NEWS

May 12, 2008.

Steve!  Was it Steve?  ...Steve.

I found this thriller of a review online today and simply had to share it with you, the reluctant supporters of this operation. 

"Yuk, I'm sorry, I downloaded the Consumer Goods disc and thought it was just awful. I felt embarrassed to tell you the truth since I am also Canadian. What annoyed me more than the politics which are so annoyingly relentlessly left, was the coarse language and lines about abortion and coathangers just made me cringe with disgust. The music was unexceptional, neither good nor bad. I didn't like the disc so shouldn't really offer suggestions for the future but I'm thinking taking most things down a couple levels would be a step in the right (no pun intended) direction. -Steve R."

Oh Steve!  If Happy Bidet made you cringe, The Anti-Imperial Cabaret is going to send you into a downward spiral of rectal and urethral problems that may haunt you for the rest of your life.  But I suppose you are right - we really ought to tone things down, because things are going quite well here in Canada.  Yesterday, our PM announced that the $20 billion cut from social programs that make people's lives marginally better will be put towards the $30 billion we're going to spend on beefing up the military which kills people.  (Mostly brown people, let's be honest.)  Meanwhile, GM cut another few thousand jobs, Zionist groups in Canada held public celebrations the 60th year of Israeli apartheid (one of the most brutal occupations in modern history) with police protection, and individuals in at least three Canadian cities are facing trumped up criminal charges for being assaulted by police officers in the process of trying to demonstrate for social change.

You're right Steve, we really should tone it the fuck down.

April 6, 2008.

Alright, chumps.  If you thought this website was in disrepair, you were right.  But it's going to go down with a whimper, and this is your whimper, so eat it up!

Our lack of web activity has been a function of three things:

1) Shipley was busy posing as a radical.

2) The band was preoccupied with recording.

3) Shipley's head was lodged up his ass.

These three things are ongoing struggles, but number one is not a bad thing, number two is finished, and number three is hot.  I hope what you're getting out of this is that we have a new record on the horizon and it rules, because we have a new record on the horizon and it rules.  In fact, it'll knock your own head right up your ass if you're not careful.

Seriously, the new record is shiny as shit and laced with the most intense brand of Shiplified sarcasm yet.  I really think you're going to like it.  It's in the mixing stage right now and will grace your ears sometime in June.

In the meantime, get the piss out to Hugh's Room in Toronto for a fun time and some anti-adult-contemporary political jingo-jango on April 24th of this year.  It's a Thursday night, but we'll have you tucked into bed before your glass slippers turn into butternut squash, so don't be so foolish as to miss this event.

Jan. 2, 2007.

Hey folks.  The Consumer Goods are a pretty cheeky operation.  So bear with us for a short sincere update.

In a typically ironic manner, the Consumer Goods had a dandy of a 2007, while I myself had a pretty rough one.  I keep listening to "Sun, Sun, Sun" by the Elected, hoping that 2008 is going to be a turnaround.  I'm atypically hopeful that it will be.  Hopefully, this will not coincide with a turn in the forture of the Consumer Goods, that would be a drag.

So, what end of year updates should I share.  Well, we were nominated for a Bucky Award by the folks at CBC Radio Three.  That was pretty nice, and it's okay that we lost, because what the heck.  Between September and December, we found ourselves reviewed all across the country, which was nice.  Edmonton panned us, Toronto ignored us, and nearly everywhere else was very generous.  We were discovered by the indie kids, and found ourselves being downloaded and played online at a rate of thousands of songs per day, which was a little jilting.  I can't even keep up with the sites that hawk us anymore.  Just as long as they are giving their proceeds to some good revolutionary Marxist operation... uh huh.  In the meantime, we've become (nearly) household names in the Netherlands, and we've actually got a following in a number of spots across Europe... I've noticed us popping up in Koln, and in some small town in Greece, and we've sold a bunch of CDs in the UK, and some guy from Spain put us in his top ten records of the year.  We even got a very special letter from Radio Habana in Cuba, where they were very excited about the record and invited us down to the station to play for them!  Hopefully, we'll make good on that one in '08.

In December, Uptown Magazine in Winnipeg was good enough to do a cover story on us, and for the first time ever, I walked around Osborne Village with my own ugly mug staring up at me from the magazine racks.  It was hilarious, but didn't get me a free case of Lucky at the LC.  On the 23rd, we played a dandy homecoming at the Gas Station Theatre, and everyone had a blast. 

And now, we're settling in to work on the new record.  The working title for the record is "The Consumer Goods are not Canadian."  It was with some surprise that I realised 'Happy Bidet' was almost exclusively focused on the imperialists sound of the border, which probably led some to believe e had forgotten about the imperialists in our midst.  The next record should speak to that problem.  Canada is a rapacious predator like any other 'middle power' and our propaganda machine is no less palpable and powerful, led by the likes of Don Cherry, Michael Ignatieff, and even clowns like poor, ugly Sam Katz.

We're very appreciative of all the support we've recieved this year.  And we'll be looking forward to making you all uncomfortable again in 2008!  Let's all get together and make one big New Years Revolution.

Nov. 7, 2007.

Voting is your goddam democratic duty!  And your country needs you!
 
So it is time to prove that democracy works and that ideas matter and a small group of committed people CAN change the world... by rigging a vote.
 
Okay, we won't actually rig it.  But here's the deal.
 
The Consumer Goods have been nominated for an award by the whiz kids at CBC Radio Three, and to not win it would be an unimaginable disgrace because the only thing I truly care about in this world is winning.  My acceptance speech is already written, and don't worry, I remembered to thank your mother.  I mean, mine.  For raising me.  Shit, what have I gotten myself into?  I always do this. 
 
Ok, seriously.  CBC does these 'Bucky Awards' each year, and they're really quite fun.  One of our songs has been nominated for 'Best Title' and it would be very cool if you folks would vote for it.  In fact, you're allowed to vote once a day (this is the rigging part) if you like, between now and the end of November.  You don't have to vote in every category, just vote in whichever ones you want and click "submit."  As in, "submit to selling your soul in this descratoin of democracy!"
 
Here's the link, you'll find the bucky awards very prominently located on the left hand side of the page.  http://radio3.cbc.ca/  It's ok, I'm sure the other bands tell their freinds to do it too.
 
Please forward this along to anyone and everyone you know who might be willing to help us BRING HOME THE FUCKING BUCKY!  That would be swell.
 
Love,
The Consumer Goods

September 11, 2007.

In Honor of the heroes of 9/11, I've updated this website.  It now has the lyrics for Happy Bidet, in the 'sing along' section, and I've archived some nice things the press have said about us, in the 'press forward' section.

August 31, 2007.

Hey hey alright, hey hey alright.  We're back from touring and we had a fucking blast.  Check the myspace page for intense photo bloggery of the whole thing.  And check CBC's Radio Three podcast for a certain politically charged band from Winnipeg!  That's right, this week's podcast features the Weakerthans!  But, actually, we're on there too, which is pretty cool, so do have a listen if you have the time.  Normally I'm cheeky in these posts, but I think I'm all out of cheek right now.  Maybe it's the anal fissures getting me down?  WHAT anal fissures?!  God, why do you feel the need to spread these evil rumours?  Are you going through a rough phase in your life?  Do you need some counselling?

July 27, 2007.

Holy crap, umm, I think it worked.  We got a show in Ottawa, just like that!  It'll be a goodie, too, although I haven't yet confirmed the opening acts, we'll be playing at the indie fixture Zaphod Beeblebrox on August 18th.  Now don't be fooled kids, we know what we're up against.  All you hippies are going to be at the Folk Fest.  All you sheltered suburbanites will be at the street festival getting "more swagger" painted on your beaver (tails.)  Which leaves about half a dozen hipsters all dressed up in diamond-shaped sweaters and polka dot skirts looking for something to do!!  But if you six call six friends, and they six call six friends and they six call six friends, we'll tie up the phone lines all night and no one will come.  So use email instead, and get the message out - ZAPHOD'S ON SATURDAY NIGHT!  (The 18th.)  It will be so much better than that time I dressed up as a harmonica and asked people to blow me.

July 26, 2007.

Tour bookings are almost complete, just a few little details to clear up and we should be on our way.  In fact, perhaps you, Ottawa, can help us clear up those details, by FINDING US A GODDAM SHOW!  It seems the confluence of circumstances with include the Ottawa Folk Fest, a big annual street party and the anticipated arrival of 'the decider' next week has made it very difficult for two ambiguously funny indie-poppers to find a venue to host the absurdist political hilarity.  We actually KNOW people in Ottawa, which means there would actually be PEOPLE there.  Just find us a show, goddammit.  Or the streets will be alive with the strains of our discontent.  Which sound sort of like a bad fusion of acid-lounge and reggae-punk.  With recorder and bass guitar.  And flatulence.

July 8, 2007.

Plans are in the works for the 'way more swagger' eastern tour!  Knowing that niether of us could handle the prospect of being apart for more than two months, Matt and I have decided to bring the team together again for a HellRide through Ontario and Quebec!  The excitement will actually begin in Winnipeg, on the 29th of July, followed by a one-shot deal in Halifax.  This is very exciting, as I've never been to Halifax before.  Maybe I'll pay a visit to Clayton Park, to do my thing for the great CanRock Revolution on the mid-90s.  At any rate, keep an eye on the banner on the right, because it will be quickly filling up with dates from Montreal to Hamilton and everywhere in between!  And then stay tuned for the totally top-secret plan to tour Europe in '08.  Oops, I thought about it for too long and made a poop in my pants.

UPCOMING SHOWS

April 24, 2008.  Toronto, Hugh's Room, 8:00 pm, $5 cover.  Matt and Shipley carnage makes a royal return to an adult contemporary venue in beautiful Roncesvalles. 

 
PAST SHOWS

February 1, 2008.  Toronto, Tranzac, 8:00 pm, pay what you can.  Featuring an array of politically minded popstars whose names I haven't yet procured.  (Possibly) unveiling a few new Consumer Goods! 

December 23, 2007.  Winnipeg, The Gas Station Theatre, 8:00 pm., $10 cover.  Featuring the Paperbacks and Enjoy Your Pumas.

August 24, 2007.  Hamilton, The Sky Dragon Center, 8:00 pm, $5 cover.  Featuring that crazy two-man band from a few nights ago, Colin Munroe!

August 23, 2007.  Hamilton, The Freeway Cafe, 8:00 pm, pay what you can.  Featuring some local friends whose names I do not yet know.

August 22, 2007.  Toronto, Tranzac, 10:00 pm, pay what you can.  Featuring the Salarymen and Lord and Peasant.

August 21, 2007.  Toronto, The Supermarket, 9:00 pm, $5 cover.  Featuring two-man one-man band, Colin Munroe, and Jodi King.

August 20, 2007.  Kingston, Backyard Party at 366 Alfred St., 6:00-10:00, pay what you can.  We're bringing the good fight to someone's backyard!  Potluck and BBQ for the coolest kids in Kingston.  If it rains, go to 37 Pine Street, something tells me that's where we'll be.

August 18, 2007.  Ottawa, Zaphod Beeblebrox, doors at 8:00 pm, $6 cover.  Featuring Hollowtip Hearts and Sarah Hallman!

August 16, 2007.  Montreal, le Cafe Campus, doors at 8:00 pm, show at 9:00 pm, $10 cover.  Featuring fellow-Winnipeggers Nathan.  I think they were nominated for a Juno, once!

August 5, 2007.  Halifax, The Tribeca, 10:00 pm, no cover.  Featuring the Metric System.  First time to Halifax, ever, holy piss!

July 29, 2007.  Winnipeg, InFringe Festival, Exchange Community Church.  10:00 pm, $5 cover.  Featuring Phil Wright and Friends.  Promise not to make ugly with the church this time.

June 3, 2007.  Winnipeg, The Elephant and Castle, 9:00 pm.  Two sets of McLennan/Shipley madness complete with Gatineau bashing and gay sex references.  Well, what the fuck did you expect?

June 1, 2007. SASKATOON, CD RELEASE!  Lindsay Manz's House Party, 10:00 pm, no cover.  That's right, the era of the house party show is coming back, at least in Saskatoon.  (Look out New York, you know you're always two months behind the S'toon.)  Join us for fun, sun and some very smooth tobacco at a secret location near 10th St. and the river.

May 26, 2007. Calgary, Bowness Legion Hall, 9:00 pm.  Rock Reception!  Ripping it up with the family and friends of Gareth Williams and Lauire Fuhr, featuring Lonely Hunters, the Jagatha Christies, some cousins I don't know, Boats!!, Matt McLennan, and an ex-con bartender with a knack for selling scotch.  Everybody's good at cooking something, I'm good saying inappropriate things into a microphone that's on.

May 24, 2007.  CALGARY, CD RELEASE!  Rock Stag! The Soda, 8:00 pm.  Celebrating the bringing together of two fine, fine people, with rock and roll music and hopefully some of those party kazoo things.  Featuring Grandfather Fire, Fox Opera and the Jagatha Christies.  Presented by the amazing Gareth and Laurie.

May 21, 2007. Calgary, Broken City, 9:30 pm.  Opening the evening for our good friends, Lonely Hunters.  Just Shipley and McLennan after 72 hours in close proximity.  Expect hilarity.

May 18, 2007.  WINNIPEG, CD RELEASE!  Times Change(d) High and Lonesome Club, 9:00 pm, $5 cover (waived with purchase of 'Happy Bidet!')  Featuring All of Your Friends, Sean Buchanan (of the Western States) and the Ramzi Helewa Sound Experiment.  Presented by Grumpy Cloud Records, UMFM 101.5 and the Better Swimmers.

May 10, 2007.  TORONTO, CD PRE-RELEASE!  Free Times Cafe, 9:00 pm, $5 cover (waived with purchase of 'Happy Bidet!')  Featuring the Salarymen.  Presented by Grumpy Cloud Records.

January 15, 2007.  Toronto, Mitzi's Sister, 9:00 pm, no cover. Songwriter night also featuring Chris Staig, Jeff Oussoren and Sam Larkin.

December 16, 2006.  Winnipeg, Academy Bar & Eatery, 8:00 pm, no cover.  Featuring Matt McLennan and the Haste.

December 13, 2006.  Toronto, Tranzac, 7:30 pm, pay what you can!  Two acoustic sets in the Tranzac front room, followed by the Madame Hair Variety Show.

November 13, 2006.  Toronto, Tranzac, 9:00 pm, pay what you can!  First show in Toronto, followed by open mic with Tyler Shipley.

August 18, 2006.  Winnipeg, Mondragon Cafe, 9:00 pm, $5 cover.  Featuring Skort (members of You Say Party! We Say Die! and the Doers), Sean Wesley Wood and his Vancouver Vipers, and Sean Buchanan (of the Western States.)  Presented by the Better Swimmers.

August 8, 2006.  Gimli, Icelandic Festival Folk Fest, 7:00 pm, no cover.  Outdoor folk festival featuring Wayne Petti (of Cuff the Duke), Salt (members of Po' Girl and the Be Good Tanyas), Greg MacPherson and Novillero.

August 2, 2006.  Winnipeg, Royal Albert Arms, 9:00 pm, $5 cover.  Featuring the Greenbelt Collective and Ok Vancouver Ok.

July 29, 2006.  Winnipeg, Ellice Ave Cafe, 8:00 pm, $5 cover.  Featuring Eisenhauer and Sharee Plett.

July 25, 2006.  Winnipeg, Exchange Community Church, 9:00 pm, no cover.  Winnipeg Fringe Festival, featuring Querkus and the Playing Cards.

July 14, 2006.  Winnipeg, Collective Cabaret, 9:00 pm, $8 cover.  Featuring Five O' Clock Charlie, the Paperbacks and Ben McPhee-Sigurdson.

July 1, 2006.  Winnipeg, Pyramid Cabaret, 4:00 pm, $5 cover.  'We Love Our Hive' Canada Day show, featuring the Mandarins, Anthem Red, Half Court Prayer, Ben McPhee-Sigurdson and Black Photographs.  Presented by the Better Swimmers.

June 28, 2006.  Winnipeg, The Cavern (formerly the Toad in the Hole), 9:00 pm, no cover.  Featuring Alverstone.  Presented by Grumpy Cloud Records and UMFM 101.5.

June 23, 2006.  Winnipeg, Academy Bar & Eatery, 9:00 pm, $5 cover.  Featuring Fisher Kane.

June 22, 2006.  Winnipeg, Times Change(d) High and Lonesome Club, 9:00 pm, $5 cover.  Featuring Adrian Sala and the Details.  Presented by Grumpy Cloud Records.

May 1, 2006.  Winnipeg - May Day Celebration Dinner, Kinsmat Center, 8:00 pm.

April 20, 2006.  WINNIPEG, CD RELEASE!  Royal Albert Arms, 9:00 pm, $5 cover (waived with purchase of 'Pop Goes the Pigdog!')  Featuring Ian La Rue and the Western States.  Presented by Grumpy Cloud Records and UMFM 101.5.

October 24, 2005.  Winnipeg, Ragpicker's Annex, 9:00 pm, no cover.  Acoustic set, featuring the Unravelled Broken Orchestra.

October 15, 2005.  Winnipeg, Royal Albert Arms, 9:00 pm, $5 cover.  The Death to Conifera show!  Featuring the Horribly Awfuls, Nowheretogo, Effector, Unravelled Broken Orchestra and boat!  Presented by CKUW and UMFM.

July 30, 2005.  Winnipeg, Barca Club, 9:00 pm, $5 cover.  Featuring Cone Five, AtSea and the Horribly Awfuls.  Presented by Grumpy Cloud Records.

July 29, 2005.  Winnipeg, Academy Bar & Eatery, 9:00 pm, $5 cover.  Acoustic show featuring Kevin Scott, Matt McLennan and Gareth Williams.  Presented by Grumpy Cloud Records.

July 26, 2005.  Winnipeg, Collective Cabaret, 9:00 pm, $5 cover.  Introducing the Consumer Goods!  Debut featuring Red Eyed Morning and the Floor.  Presented by UMFM 101.5.

For more titilating humour and insightful commentary, please visit us on myspace ...that great bastion of a social networking website that takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin,' but really slowly and badly and with loads of error messages.